


We Kiss on the Mouth but Still Cough Down Our Sleeves

by Beenis



Series: The Leopika Angst Chronicles [1]
Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Bittersweet Ending, M/M, bucketloads of angst, flowery writing, the fic where Kurapika sucks at staying in contact and therefore hurts the people around him
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-02
Updated: 2018-01-23
Packaged: 2019-02-09 12:05:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 10,185
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12887508
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Beenis/pseuds/Beenis
Summary: Leorio sends emails, texts, close to a million voicemails, all coming up empty. This isn’t the first time Kurapika has been off the grid, but this is the first time Leorio knewwhy. Leorio’s hands shake after the fourth consecutive attempt to call. He knows it’s futile, but he tries, and tries, and tries.His throat closes up, thinking about Kurapika. He wonders if Kurapika is hurt, if he’s ok, if he has anyone to go to.





	1. Waiting Game

**Author's Note:**

> The title is a line from the song "Dramamine" by Modest Mouse.

Leorio thrums his fingers on his hardwood hand me down IKEA desk, his shoulders hunched over his Pathology text book. His tea sits beside him, cold and neglected — not that it did much for him in the first place. His eyes feel heavy and he’s scanned the same page at least eight times. He knows it’s pointless to try and absorb any more information, but Cheadle’s tests are brutal so he’s opted to memorize and cram as much as he can. He feels the sponge of his brain sag with information. Thoughts and formulas and definitions threaten to spill out of his head. 

The rain outside pours heavily, making his tiny apartment feel colder and more alone that it already is.

He hears a soft click and the sound of the door creaking open. 

“Hey,” Kurapika calls out. 

“Hey yourself,” Leorio answers back.

He takes in the sight of Kurapika. His golden hair is sticking to his skin, messily clinging onto his forehead and neck. Kurapika’s drenched like a wet rat, shivering, nose red from the almost winter air. He smells faintly of roasted coffee and rainwater. 

Leorio thinks he’s the most beautiful thing. 

He tries to stop the heavy beating in his chest. 

. . . 

Leorio didn’t know how things ended up the way they did. One day they were first years in college butting heads throughout first semester, and the next thing Leorio knew, they were renting out an apartment together. It was close enough to Leorio’s grad school, and just ten minutes shy of the nearest city. 

He can’t pinpoint the exact moment Kurapika started leaving. Kurapika would be gone for hours at a time, and hours became days and days became weeks and weeks became months. Despite rarely being present, he always managed to pay the bill on time, even wiring it once when he was on one of his long, secretive trips.

There had been a handful of times Leorio tried to ask where he went off to, only to be greeted with irritation, like it was a problem for him to care in the first place. 

He eventually stopped pestering Kurapika, trying hard not to create an even bigger rift.

. . .

The rain doesn’t let up, both of them don’t mind much. Leorio has far too much work to bother going outside, and Kurapika likes staying in when time allows him. Leorio sits on the loveseat, while Kurapika lies on it, with his head at the end of the couch and his legs splayed across Leorio’s lap. 

“There’s a perfectly good seat ten feet away from you,” Leorio states, although he doesn’t push Kurapika off him.

“I can’t lie down there, plus, this is comfortable,” Kurapika says smugly, not bothering to unbury his face from the book he’s currently trying to get through. 

And Leorio agrees, this is comfortable.

Kurapika gets up eventually, the loveseat is too small to lie comfortably for too long. He stretches thoroughly, the loose fitting sweat pants hang low on his hips, and Leorio’s eyes wander down the slight dimples on his back. Kurapika’s light blonde hair falls just short of his shoulders, and he sometimes ties it up in a small messy bun exposing the smooth pale curve of his neck. Leorio daydreams on what it would feel like to place kisses on the nape of his neck, to press himself up against Kurapika’s lithe frame. 

Instead, he gets up from the couch and brushes past Kurapika, their skin touching briefly. 

_ “This is enough,” _ Leorio thinks to himself. 

. . . 

They eat what they have available. Tonight on the menu is eggs with whatever shit they can find in their fridge. It’s a scrambled concoction of week old vegetables and leftover meat, but it’s palatable. 

Leorio pops open a bottle of cheap table wine, and they end up on the couch, huddled, watching terrible Hallmark movies on the little downtime they both have. Kurapika’s tired body sags against him until he eventually falls asleep. Leorio has the sudden urge to kiss Kurapika’s forehead, but decides against it, instead letting his friend sleep through the credits. 

The routine continues. From late night to early morning, Leorio studies and goes to school. He doesn’t know what Kurapika does in the meantime, and he doesn’t ask.

. . .

“They’re opening up a new bake shop next week if you want to come. Gon knows the owner, he says it’s supposed to be really good,” Leorio mentions.

Kurapika towels off the rest of his wet hair. He takes quick showers, hot enough for the rest of his skin to blush pink.

“Sounds like it would fun,” Kurapika replies.

“So you’ll be here?” 

“I should be.”

Knowing Kurapika might stay for the next week or so blooms something hopeful in Leorio’s chest. 

Kurapika keeps his word and comes to the opening of Palm’s bakeshop. The air is cold and the snow is just only starting to stick to the ground. He sits in front of Leorio next to an open window seat, they both nurse a coffee mug and share a slice of one of Palm’s signature cheesecake. 

Leorio walks home with Kurapika, he stops to brush the snowflakes that settle on Kurapika’s bangs. He feels Kurapika leaning into the touch and he looks at Leorio as if he’s waiting for something to happen.

Leorio does his best to swallow down everything he wants to say. 

He can’t help but wonder how long Kurapika will stay this time. 

He hopes it’s a while. 

. . . 

Kurapika leaves only a couple of days after. He’s gone so much at this point, Leorio doesn’t bother checking his room, he just  _ knows _ . The air always feels colder and the faint smell of coffee is long gone. 

Leorio is used to it by now, but he can’t help the ache in his chest every time Kurapika goes away.

Kurapika’s months rent sits on the top of the kitchen counter, hinting towards a long leave. Leorio moodily wonders why Kurapika even bothers paying since he’s never there. He tries not to let it get to him, but it always does. 

Leorio drowns himself with homework and extra hours at the lab. He spends more and more time at the library. He studies in the university coffee shop, making more flashcards than he intended to, anything to keep his mind focused on something other than the feeling of loneliness that settles in the pit of his stomach. 

“You look down today,” Gon notes, sliding over hot tea in Leorio’s direction. 

Leorio has known Gon for only a short while, but it doesn’t take much to warm up to Gon. He met the kid when he was assisting for a first year undergrad biology class, with Gon close to failing. They worked long hours to have Gon barely scrape by, and the rest was history.

“Just a little tired,” Leorio lies. 

“Kurapika is gone again isn’t he. You’re always sad when he’s gone,” Gon says bluntly. 

Leorio purses his lips in agitation, and keeps silent. 

Gon sympathetically pats Leorio’s shoulder, sliding the remaining half of his coffee cake in hopes of cheering his friend up. 

. . . 

Nights at Leorio’s apartment are long and silent, the only sound being the consistent howling of the wind. The snow piles up, a mini blizzard heads over to the city, and Leorio hopes that wherever Kurapika is, it’s warmer than here. 

He keeps studying. The dull ache in his heart doesn’t cease. 

. . . 

Leorio remembers nights where both he and Kurapika would stay up until early morning with only the company of coffee and each other. They’d drink until their bones jumped with borrowed energy and their hearts beat with only the help of caffeine to keep them awake. They’d take long breaks on the rooftops of the library, snacking on energy bars they snuck out of the cafeteria. 

They only got closer from there. With prolonged stares and fleeting touches, they were always a little closer than even the closest of friends. There have been chances for the both of them to part ways, to be with other people, but they chose to say in the limbo of being available but not doing anything about it. 

It wasn’t until Leorio was in his third year of college when he knew he was in love with Kurapika. The realization started off as a slow burn and ended like a punch in the gut. He knew he was deeper into this friendship when he started asking what could be instead of what already was, and how that thought had always been there unrecognized.

But things were great, Leorio was happy, and there wasn’t any need to push something that was already good. 

. . .

Kurapika quit his last semester in, without letting anyone know why.

. . . 

Leorio rushes his final report over to Cheadle’s office, scrambling to get it submitted before the deadline. Much to her student’s relief, Cheadle graciously offers to extend the deadline, yet Leorio manages to still finish right before the last few minutes of the submittal time. 

He’s greeted by Mizaistom and Cheadle. They’re talking over boxed lunches, exchanging information Leorio has no part of. 

His university hosts some of the most eccentric, yet brilliant professors. Alongside Mizaistom and Cheadle, they were able to grab Kite for their ecology department, and Ging for their renowned archaeology program. Most of the professors in the university butt heads quite often, but Leorio notes that Mizaistom and Cheadle are one of the few who try to keep things civil in the faculty. 

As the head of the criminal justice department, Mizaistom is known for his authoritative nature and rigorous courses. It was no wonder him and Cheadle got along well so well. 

“You cut it close Paladiknight,” Cheadle muses as her eyes keep watch of the time.

Mizaistom laughs at Leorio’s frazzled state. ”Easy there Yorkshire. If you scare any more of your class, you’ll end up with half of them dropping out.”

“If they can’t pass the basics, then they deserve to fail. Luckily, Leorio has been keeping up fairly well.” Cheadle smirks. 

Leorio can feel himself blush as he stammers a quick thank you. 

Mizaistom studies Leorio’s face for a bit, like he’s seen him from somewhere. 

“Hey, you hung around Kurapika right?” 

“Ah, yea, he’s my roommate. We live together off campus.”

Mizaistom looks surprised at Leorio’s answer.  “He’s still around town?” 

“Sometimes, but he’s gone pretty often doing who knows what.”

Mizaistom nods in understanding. “He was one of my best pupils. If you ever see him, let him know to talk to me if he ever wants to come back.” Mizaistom pauses before adding, “And tell him to keep out of trouble.”

Leorio nods and politely makes his way out of the office.

“Is Kurapika the student you mentioned before?” Leorio hears Cheadle’s muffled voice from the middle of the hall. 

“Yea, that’s the one.”

“Poor kid, to survive all that,” Cheadle says solemnly. 

The way they talk about Kurapika is unsettling. 

Leorio runs to the library. 

. . . 

It takes Leorio approximately fifteen minutes to google everything he needs to know. Approximately twelve years ago, the Kurta massacre happened. A good two years ago, the exact year Kurapika quit school, the reemergence of the Phantom Troupe created headlines among the biggest news outlets. 

Everything that was missing finally clicks together. Kurapika’s line of study, his various long disappearances, and his secretive past makes so much sense now. Leorio feels like an idiot for not knowing, but at the same time, it’s not like Kurapika had bothered tell him.

Leorio’s worry increases tenfold knowing that Kurapika was out there, trying to chase after demons that are far too strong for a single person to deal with alone. 

Leorio sends emails, texts, close to a million voicemails, all coming up empty. This isn’t the first time Kurapika has been off the grid, but this is the first time Leorio knew  _ why _ . Leorio’s hands shake after the fourth consecutive attempt to call. He knows it’s futile, but he tries, and tries, and tries. 

His throat closes up, thinking about Kurapika. He wonders if Kurapika is hurt, if he’s ok, if he has anyone to go to.

. . . 

Leorio comes back one late afternoon to find Kurapika settled on the couch, like he never left. 

“Hey,” Kurapika waves. He gets up from his seat to give a proper hello. He looks weary and exhausted, but he gives Leorio a small smile and Leorio feels like his heart might burst.

“Hey,” Leorio replies. 

He drops his bag unceremoniously near the door, and it only takes a couple of steps to close the distance between Kurapika and him. He holds Kurapika like it’s going to stop him from leaving, like it will make everything ok. 

“That’s quite the greeting,” Kurapika says, returning the hug. He’s laughing but Leorio can feel how tense Kurapika is. 

”Why didn’t you answer any of my calls?,” Leorio’s voice sounds hurt, but he can’t help feeling relieved. Kurapika’s in front of him, unscathed and alive.

“I’ve been busy. And it’s not like you’ve minded before,” Kurapika answers. He tries to brush Leorio’s worry off, but Leorio could see the guilt written all over his face. 

“I did my own research and I found out everything, about your family, why you dropped out of college. And I’m pretty sure I have a good clue where you’re slinking off to. You’re going after them aren’t you? You’re trying to figure this case on your own.”

Kurapika stays silent, he stiffens at Leorio’s words, his stance defensive and alert. Leorio can’t read Kurapika’s face, but he notices the hooded grey eyes staring intensely at him. For a second, he thinks he sees a flicker of red. 

“What I’m doing on my own time is none of your concern,” Kurapika responds. His voice is low and dangerous. 

“I’m making it my problem because I _ care! _ ,” Leorio shouts, loud enough in hopes that Kurapika understands. 

“Caring about me won’t do either of us any good. It just makes things that much harder—,”

“Kurapika you’re my  _ friend _ ,” Leorio says, his voice escalating. His tone is careful, but he wants to make sure his words carry through.

The way Leorio walks up to Kurapika and carefully cups his face is everything but platonic. He tilts Kurapika’s chin, forcing his shorter friend to look at him. 

“Whatever it is, I can help. I promise. Please, just let me in,” Leorio says, softer this time. He tries not to sound too desperate, but he feels like he doesn’t have enough time in the world to convince Kurapika to listen.  

Kurapika shakes his head and says nothing. He clenches his fists till they’re bone white. Kurapika doesn’t look up at him, he doesn’t speak for a while, and Leorio can’t help but feel hopeless.

“I want to but I can’t,” Kurapika says after a while. Leorio knows him well enough to notice the crack in his voice.

Leorio studies the soft smooth features of Kurapika’s face and the way Kurapika’s mouth turns downwards into a regretful frown. 

Leorio’s heart feels so heavy and full and he wants nothing more than to be apart of Kurapika’s life, although he knows there may be no place for him.

Without thinking, Leorio kisses him, long and slow and deep and full of everything he’s wanted to say but can’t find the words to. To Leorio’s surprise, Kurapika kisses back, desperate and frantic and much unlike himself.

Kurapika wraps his arms around Leorio’s neck, pulling himself deeper into the kiss.

He kisses Leorio as if time was running out. 

Their mouths move together as they find a steady rhythm. The only sounds are the slight rustle of clothes and the heavy breath shared between the two. 

They say what they need to through touch and fall asleep together, messy and tangled in each other. 

Leorio inhales the faint smell of fresh coffee, and rainwater. It’s comforting and familiar and it feels like home.

He almost wants to cry. 

. . . 

“The first time I left, I never intended to come back,” Kurapika murmurs against Leorio’s mouth. His slender fingers are tracing circles along Leorio’s bare shoulder.

Leorio hums into the kiss, he trails his hands down the soft curves of Kurapika’s cheek.

“I’m glad you did,” Leorio says quiety. He brushes his lips along the area where Kurapika’s neck and shoulder meet, and grins to himself when he feels Kurapika shiver into the touch. 

“Everything is difficult. It’s hard to be away from you but it’s also hard to stay here,” Kurapika says.

“Whatever happens, it will be ok. I promise,” Leorio says. His voice is laced with such confidence, he almost fools himself.

Leorio can barely make out Kurapika’s figure in the shadows, but he hears the faintest of sighs. He kisses the wet area right under Kurapika’s eyes and wipes away anything left.

Leorio’s eyelids are heavy with sleep but he does his best to stay awake. 

He’s waiting for that feeling of elation and accomplishment. He’s gotten everything he’s ever wanted but he can’t feel happy when everything feels like goodbye.

He drowns the heavy feeling in his chest by kissing every part of Kurapika. 

. . . 

He wakes up in Kurapika’s bed in the morning. 

The space right next to him is cold and empty and for a moment he wonders if he dreamt it all. 

Leorio doesn’t bother checking the rest of the apartment. Like every other goddamn time, he just  _ knows.  _

The room smells of faint coffee and rainwater and the remnants of home. 

Leorio feels like crying.

And so he does. 


	2. Just Leave Me Your Wake To Remember You By

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Time passes, responsibilities catch up, and like all things, Leorio slowly learns to let go. He doesn’t think about that part of his life as much as he would before, and the pain that would usually accompany him doesn’t hurt as much as it used to.
> 
> Leorio still wonders how Kurapika is doing from time to time, if he’s alive and well, if he’s found peace.
> 
> But Leorio doesn’t let it run his life anymore. 
> 
> He moves on.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The title is a line from the song "Boats And Birds" by Gregory And The Hawk

The sadness settles into Leorio in small waves. He expects the feeling to come crashing down on him, but it fixes it’s way in like a slow poison. He’s uncertain if it’s better this way, or if it would have been easier to take everything in one blow. 

For now, his body feels like a husk of a person, it’s only function limited to eating, sleeping, and studying. He tells himself that this happens to most people at some point in their life, that heartache is just a human emotion based around selfishness. 

Regardless, the feeling still really sucks. 

Leorio sulks for most of the week, inhabiting every nearby public area as long as it isn’t his own apartment. He almost wishes that night with Kurapika never happened, maybe then Kurapika would come back, and they’d co-exist and follow through with their unspoken routine.

Now Leorio’s heart was filled with the knowledge that his feelings were returned and haunted with the uncertainty of why Kurapika left, and if he would ever come back. 

The thought shoots panic into his chest, and everytime that feeling would pass by, he would run to his phone, checking a screen that would always come up empty. 

He sends hundreds of text messages, holding on to the small hope that Kurapika might read them. He would write greetings and worries and little tidbits of his life that Kurapika would find interesting.

Even though Kurapika never responds, Leorio still tries. 

. . . 

Gon waves his hand in front of Leorio’s face and frowns in concern. For Gon’s sake Leorio tries to smile, but he doesn’t say much for the most part.

“Leave him alone,” Killua warns his friend. 

“But he’s been at it  for almost three months,” Gon whines. “I hate seeing him like this.”

“Let it go,” Killua says firmly. “This is not something anyone can easily get over”

Leorio knows his mood must be terrible to the people around him since even Killua is showing him sympathy, but he can’t manage to act any differently. 

“Gon seriously stop worrying. I’ll be fine,” Leorio says. 

Gon pouts as if he doesn’t believe a word Leorio is saying. 

Leorio doesn’t believe it much either.

. . .

Little by little, things did start to get better. The past six months have been excruciating, and there’s always a small bittersweet feeling every time he walks past Kurapika’s room, but he’s learned how to ignore it. He buries his sadness with submitting internship applications and finding interest in mundane tasks. Leorio thinks to himself that he can do this, he can rebuild a life without Kurapika and he will be ok. 

Grad school is coming to a successful close and soon he’d be working under Cheadle’s private tutelage as her intern. Everything begins to weave itself into place and just like the seasons, his mood starts to warm up as well. 

. . .

Summer rolls on by and the weather is near sweltering at this point, but Leorio manages without the AC. The summers back home were much longer and far worse, and Leorio welcomes the heat of the sun into his bedroom. 

He takes a well deserved siesta in the middle of the afternoon, growing tired and sweaty from the humid weather. 

He sleeps for what seems like a while. 

Leorio feels the thin sheets shift on his skin, and his eyes slowly flutter open. Although he feels the weight of another person on his bed, he doesn’t panic. It takes second for his vision to focus, but the first thing he can clearly see is Kurapika slowly crawling on top of him. 

The sun is just beginning to set, and Leorio can see Kurapika’s pale skin reflect the warm fiery colors pouring through his window. Kurapika’s grey eyes look red for brief moment, and Leorio almost forgets to breathe. 

“Kurapika, what the hell are you—.”

Kurapika doesn’t say much, he simply places a finger on Leorio’s lips, effectively shutting Leorio up. 

Before Leorio can process anything, Kurapika’s mouth is on him. Kurapika kisses Leorio with the same fervor as last time, and Leorio remembers the familiar roughness of it all. Kurapika’s lips press hot open mouthed kisses to the area right under Leorio’s jawline, and Leorio struggles to concentrate. 

Leorio gets out from under Kurapika, and flips the slender man onto his back. He peels off his sweat slicked shirt and immediately feels Kurapika’s curious fingers running down his sides. 

Kurapika is smiling underneath him, his blonde hair is splayed out against the sheets. There’s a sort of angelic yet mischievous look that Kurapika always holds with him, and Leorio wants nothing more than to delve deeper into what Kurapika is really like. 

“You came back,” Leorio murmurs. 

Excitement and relief ease Leorio’s anxiety, and he can't be bothered to be irritated at Kurapika’s sudden and unexpected arrival. He has so much he wants to ask and say, but he leans down and kisses Kurapika instead.

Leorio’s mouth is on Kurapika’s pale neck, and without thinking, he bites the skin around that area. Kurapika breathes heavily, his voice letting out small muffled moans as he bites his hand to keep quiet. 

Leorio grabs Kurapika’s wrists and pins them above his head. He nuzzles the area close to Kurapika’s ear.

“I wanna hear you,” Leorio says. His voice is low and sounds almost like a growl. He feels Kurapika’s breath hitch.

_ “Leorio,  _ Kurapika says in a loud drawn out groan that ignites something in Leorio’s lower stomach. 

Leorio’s grogginess disappears almost instantly. His eyes are fully open and he leans down to place another kiss. 

He wakes up. 

Leorio’s sweating through the fabric of his thin shirt and his heart beats rapidly through his chest. The sun had set long ago, but he still looks around his room looking out for any sign that he wasn’t dreaming. 

He lets out a long sigh, letting his head fall back into the mattress. He rubs the sleep out of his eyes, trying to shake off the unmistakable feeling of longing. 

Leorio feels like he’s walked two steps forward, and is falling a hundred steps back. No matter how hard he tries to fill his time with other things, memories of Kurapika still resurface. 

He feels tears prick the corners of his eyes, but he gets up and turns the AC on at full blast, freezing the air around him. 

The shower he takes is much much colder. He stays there for a while, enjoying the numbness that settles into his skin. 

He makes a decision to move out of his apartment by the end of next week. 

. . .

Moving out is much harder than he anticipated. Leorio isn’t the type of person to hold particular attachments to objects, but seeing everything go makes him aware of the sad nostalgia of it all. The couch where they hung out would no longer be within sight. They would never have talks over their tiny coffee table and would never cook meals in their small kitchen. It was as if the whole house was saying goodbye to all the memories they managed to create inside these walls.

Leorio keeps reminding himself that staying here would only hurt him even more, and holding on to something fruitless is a waste of time

Kurapika doesn’t leave much behind. Although the lack of his roommates personal items makes the move easier for Leorio, it still stings to know Kurapika did this on purpose. The less things Kurapika owns means the less roots he makes, and the easier it is to get up and leave. 

Leorio takes a look at the empty floorboards one more time and closes his eyes, trying to breathe in the memory of coffee, and rainwater that Kurapika always brought along with him. 

He swallows down the lump in his throat as he realizes that he can no longer remember. 

. . . 

Leorio’s new place is small and quaint. 

In little to no time, almost all of the tables are scattered with various medical texts and papers, and his tiny place starts to feel like home. The space isn’t as big and empty as it used to be, but his meals are still quiet and watching terrible movies isn’t as fun when he has no one to enjoy them with.

A low budget horror movie plays, and the hero scouts the forest alone at night. He almost expects Kurapika to say something snarky, but he’s greeted by a glaring empty space next to him. He remembers the way Kurapika would huddle deeper into the blanket they would share, their thighs touching. 

The memory makes him feel sad and bitter, so he turns on the television, placing his untouched bowl of popcorn on the ground. 

He doesn’t know why he feels so strongly over a relationship that technically never happened, but he can’t make it go away. His emotions always tend to dull out into something almost non-existent only to be triggered again by the slightest thing. 

Leorio knows it’s unhealthy to hold on to something that he knows will hurt him further, but he just  _ misses _ Kurapka so much. He misses the banter and the company, and the knowledge that he would be returning home to someone. 

He sleeps alone, hoping tomorrow might be easier. 

. . .

Months go by, responsibilities catch up, and like all things, Leorio slowly learns to let go. He doesn’t think about that part of his life as much as he would before, and the pain that would usually accompany him doesn’t hurt as much as it used to.

Leorio still wonders how Kurapika is doing, if he’s alive and well, if he’s found peace.

He still misses Kurapika, and after all this time he still can’t break the habit of sending Kurapika a stupid text every once in awhile. The action feels the same as placing flowers on a loved one’s grave and he shudders at the thought of that fact being true. 

But Leorio doesn’t let it run his life anymore. 

He moves on. 

. . . 

“Right this way my lady,” Leorio exaggerates his bow as he escorts Cateline into the building’s elevator. She rolls her eyes and chuckles, beckoning Leorio to follow her inside. 

Yorknew city boasts some of the most grandeur skyscrapers, most of them scaling high enough to touch the clouds. This particular area of Yorknew drips with money and Leorio has never seen anything like it. He always feels out of place in settings such as this, but he pulls himself up to his tallest height and acts like he belongs. 

Cateline lightly squeezes his arm and smiles up at him. Her wine red hair falls gracefully along her shoulders and back while her black cocktail dress hangs low on her chest, the ruching accentuating every curve of her body. She’s gorgeous, and the heads she turns proves it. 

How she became interested in someone like him, he will never know. All he is certain of is that at some point in life, he lucked out hard. 

Leorio places his hand on her lower back and kisses the top of her forehead, the sudden feeling of giddiness washing over him. 

“You’re handsy today,” she smirks. 

“It’s not everyday you pass your licensing exam,” Leorio grins.

She shakes her head and chuckles. The elevator door rings, and the attendant ushers them onto the floor. 

“Well then, shall we go  _ doctor  _ Paladiknight,” she says, before pulling him down into a proper kiss. 

. . . 

It’s crowded at Novella, but thankfully Leorio set reservations two months prior. 

Usually themed bars are exuberant and tacky, often a perfect tourist trap. However, although Novella fit the bill to that exact description, the interior design of the restaurant is praised for its elegant yet modest style. Books line the bar area and the menus list cocktails baring the names of popular storybook characters. The walls are decorated with a mix of victorian and modern styled wallpaper, accompanied with dark furniture.

It’s intimate and smaller compared to the other restaurant bars, but it has a charm that always brings Leorio back. 

Cateline excuses herself from the table for a brief moment and Leorio is left alone. He scans the menu that he’s grown all too familiar with and he picks out something he’s been meaning to try. Once he’s chosen, his eyes begin to wander Novella.

The restaurant bar always comes to life on the weekend, filled to the brim with young wealthy couples and tired Yorknew city businessmen. He people watches for a little bit, his eyes landing on what looks to be a first date, underground business transactions, and near the entrance —Kurapika. 

Leorio doesn’t even have time to double take what’s in front of him. There was no warning sign or feeling that accompanies the shock, as if Kurapika apparated from thin air. Leorio has had dreams and false encounters of what he thought was Kurapika, but the unmistakable pull ignites something in his bones and he just  _ knows. _

Even after three long years, Kurapika looks exactly the same as the last time Leorio found him sitting on the couch of their apartment. Kurapika dons a dark fitted suit, accompanied with a light button down. He looks older, sharper, more defined than Leorio remembers, but he still sports the same light blonde hair that’s always cut almost to his shoulders, and the soft curves of his face that Leorio has grown so familiar with are still the same as ever. 

Leorio feels his heart almost overflow. 

He doesn’t try to supress all the emotions filling every piece of his body, instead, he embraces it. His feet move on their own accord and he doesn’t even know what he’s going to say but he doesn’t care. He feels his body spark with nostalgia, and his heart is brimming with uncertainty of this whole situation, and it’s all so familiar and different at once. 

He reaches Kurapika, only to realize he’s surrounded by a handful people wearing similar suits, while a girl with bright blue hair and a large poofy dress stands in the middle of them. They all stand in front of her defensively as Leorio walks up to the group. 

“Hey—,” Leorio starts.

“I’m afraid Ms. Nostrade will not be speaking with anyone at the moment,” says a short man with dark black hair. His response is curt and sharp, but Leorio isn’t phased. 

The young girl curiously peeks at Leorio from behind her guards as she tries to listen in on what’s happening. 

“Let me speak with Kurapika,” Leorio demands. 

The man turns his head to look at Kurapika, staring at him for a response. 

He sees Kurapika turn his head at breakneck speed, and for just a moment, Kurapika’s eyes widen in surprise. 

His eyes are still the same striking gray that Leorio recognizes, and Leorio can still make out the dangling red earring that Kurapika never takes off. There’s a steadily growing yearning, and all Leorio wants to do is reach out to Kurapika. And so he does. 

“He’s an acquaintance,” Kurapika says quickly, taking a far step back from Leorio’s outstretched hand. 

Kurapika glances up at him, his previously surprised eyes now looking bored and distant. For some reason, Leorio feels a stinging sensation around where his heart is located. 

“Linsen, our driver should be here in a couple of minutes. We should get going,” Kurapika orders.

The shorter man nods and escorts the rest of his team into the nearest elevator, Kurapika at the end tail of the group. He whispers to Linsen for a second and stays behind. Once the door closes, Leorio is right beside him. 

“An acquaintance huh,” Leorio lets out a hollow laugh. “Is that what you say to a friend you haven’t seen for three years?” He spits out the word “friend” more bitterly than he intends to, but Kurapika doesn’t take notice.

“Look, we don’t have time to talk about that here,” Kurapika whispers urgently. 

“Hey, what’s going on,” Leorio says, lowering his voice to Kurapika’s level. It’s not the reunion Leorio was looking forward to, but he’ll accept it for now. 

“It’s not safe to be seen with me,” Kurapika hisses. 

Leorio looks at him in confusion, but he sees the rising panic in Kurapika’s eyes, and although he doesn’t understand everything, he understands enough. 

“Listen. You and I never met here. Forget this ever happened,” Kurapika whispers. 

“You can’t just come into my life and jumble everything around and just  _ leave _ . I mean this is the first time I’ve seen you in years,” Leorio says. He hears his voice cracking underneath his vocal chords but he doesn’t care.

“I didn’t plan to meet up with you here,” Kurapika argues back, his hushed voice growing louder by the minute. 

“And what was your excuse for leaving three years ago. Jesus Kurapika, you could’ve at least said goodbye,” Leorio says. 

“That was three years ago. I feel like you’d forgotten by now,” Kurapika shrugs. “I mean, I’ve moved past it.”

And just like that, Leorio feels his heart breaking. 

“That’s not how that works. Maybe it wasn’t much to you, but it was everything to me,” Leorio says, not bothering to hide the hurt in his speech.

“You need to move on and get over this, for your own sake. It will do neither of us good if you bring the past up now,” Kurapika replies coldly. Somehow his tone has a slight tinge of sympathy, but Leorio still feels as distant as ever.

A very old part of Leorio tries to dig its way out. He wants to lunge at Kurapika, to yell at him for wasting his time, for stringing him along only to leave shallow memories to hold on to. Leorio’s mouth opens, but no sound comes out. 

Every sentence that leaves Kurapika’s mouth feels like a punch to the gut and Leorio can’t blame anyone but himself. He starts to think maybe everything he felt was just a fabrication of the past he tried so desperately to hold, and that everything was just one sided on his part. He feels stupid for wanting whatever they had to mean something more. 

“You’re probably right,” Leorio says. He wants to tell Kurapika how long he’s waited, how he’s tried his hardest to get over it. He wants to ask if Kurapika ever received all the texts messages he still sends, but he stops himself, knowing the answer is pointless. 

“I’m sorry if I’ve troubled you,” Kurapika replies after a while. Kurapika remains stone faced but he at least sounds sincere this time.

“Don’t be. You of all people know how I can get,” Leorio answers. Leorio knows his heart has always been too big, too hopeful, and he feels the repercussions of his foolishness with every passing second.

Kurapika doesn’t say anything for a while. He looks at the elevator attendant, and motions that he’s heading over soon. 

“Sorry, I have to go. My team is waiting for me,” Kurapika says. He sounds robotic, his voice feigning a fake type of politeness one would use to a person they don’t know that well.  

“Hey wait—,” Leorio calls out. 

Kurapika turns around to look at Leorio, and stares at him like he’s expecting something to happen, like he wants something to happen. 

Leorio ignores the feeling, brushing it off as another romanticized thought.

“It was nice seeing you too,” Leorio manages to say. He can’t push himself to bid a proper farewell, but their relationship has always revolved around the lack of goodbyes, and for some reason he keeps it that way. His tongue is heavy with the weight of unsaid words, but it hurts too much to try to say anything else.

Leorio has grown enough in the three years to know when to stop trying. He knows there will always be a part of him that always holds onto hope, but he watches Kurapika walk into the elevator without a word, and still wonders why this whole ordeal is excruciating to him when Kurapika probably doesn’t feel a thing. 

The doors finally close and Leorio feels his heart shatter into a billion little pieces.

. . . 

Leorio loves his job. 

Sometimes things get tough, and he’s come home in tears more than he can count, but he’s actually doing something he cares about.

The clinic he works in is small, but efficient. Tonight he stays extra late, hoping to make a dent in the paperwork he’s been putting off. Most of the staff has gone home, so he walks the small halls alone, heating up a breakfast bagel in the middle of the night. 

The buildings cold metal doors slam open, and the sound resonates through the white halls. Leorio runs to the commotion and his eyes land on what seems to be a middle aged balding woman, a large man sporting a brunette pompadour, and in his arms— Kurapika. 

Kurapika’s body looks limp and lifeless, and Leorio can’t find it in himself to move. Droplets of blood fall onto the floor and from his position he can make out a huge gash on Kurapika’s side. 

“Please, we need a doctor!,” the brown haired man bellows. 

Leorio’s body moves for him as he barks orders from the nearby medical aids. He yells for Kurapika to be put onto a bed and immediately checks for a pulse. He notices the profuse bleeding in Kurapika’s shoulder and something that looks close to a bullet wound. Kurapika’s face is pallid, his eyes are closed shut and his usually clean blonde hair is caked with blood and grime. 

Leorio’s stomach twists into a million knots, but he feels the faintest heartbeat and the feeling of hope blossoms in his chest. 

He gets to work. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Spoiler alert (not really) He’s still alive! I don’t know if I ever have it in me to kill Kurapika. This will also be a three parter, after that I’ll be out of your hair~ 
> 
> Kudos & Comments are much appreciated :-)


	3. Now go on and Drift Away

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Look if he stays here any longer he will die,” Leorio almost chokes on his own words. A deep seated panic starts snaking its way into his bones, and he’s surprised he isn’t paralyzed by it.
> 
> “If they find him he’ll be as good as dead,” Melody tells him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The title is a line from the song "Open Hands" by Ingrid Michaelson

As much as Leorio loves his small clinic, he can’t deny that his supplies are limited.

“What are you doing!?” Basho yells. He sees Leorio pull out his cellphone and tries to take it from him.

“This is just a clinic, I don’t have the right equipment,” Leorio angrily yells back. He tries to keep his hands from shaking as he dials the numbers on his cellphone. Leorio tries to channel everything he learned in med school on how to keep calm in a medical emergency. However, this isn’t just anyone, it’s  _ Kurapika,  _ and he’s currently bleeding out.

“Kurapika is in a precarious situation, and he’s wanted on multiple fronts. We can’t just take him to any hospital,” Melody says.

“Look if he stays here any longer  _ he will die _ ,” Leorio almost chokes on his own words. A deep seated panic starts snaking its way into his bones, and he’s surprised he isn’t paralyzed by it.

“If they find him he’ll be as good as dead,” Melody tells him.

Leorio sighs and kneels down so he’s face to face with Melody. Throughout this whole ordeal she manages to be the most calm person in the room, and Leorio decides at that moment that he likes her.

“I promise, nothing with happen to you or Kurapika. But he needs to be transferred and you need to trust me on this”, he promises her.

She stares at him for a moment, and Leorio suddenly feels vulnerable, as if she’s looking past his face and into his soul. Then, Melody closes her eyes and nods.

The first ring goes to voicemail but he immediately tries again.

The phone clicks on.

“ _ Leorio do you have any idea what time it is?”  _ Cheadle’s voice responds on the other line.

“Cheadle I need your help. Please. I don’t have anyone else I can ask,” Leorio begs.

He hears a sigh on the end of the other line, and the rummaging of clothes.

“ _ What do you need?”  _ she asks.

Although tension is high and Leorio’s anxiety runs rampant, he can’t help but smile after hearing her voice.

That little spark of hope grows stronger.

* * *

Cheadle takes off her bloodied gloves and breathes a sigh of relief.

“He’s a fighter,” she mumbles, feeling the tiredness spread throughout her body. “A normal person probably wouldn’t have pulled through.”

“He’s never been normal,” Leorio responds, equally as exhausted. He pulls off his surgical mask, and slides to sit down on the floor. Cheadle follows suit.

“We’re harbouring a criminal. We can both lose our medical license for this,” she mutters. She looks at Leorio as if she wants to chastise him, but she doesn’t.

“I know. And I can’t thank you enough.” Leorio is shaking all over, whether it’s from the pain or the stress or the excitement, he can’t seem to pinpoint it. His body is tired but his mind is on high alert.

“Kurapika, working for the Nostrade mafia, who would’ve known,” Cheadle laughs. “What I would give to see the look on Mizaistom’s face,” she sighs wistfully.

“I had no idea either,” he says.

So much has happened in the last eighteen hours with little time to process. Everything feels like a sick drawn out dream and Leorio still can’t tell if this is even happening.

“You didn’t know?”

“I haven’t had contact with him for over three years.”

“Then how the hell did he find you?,” she asks.

Leorio looks at her with the stupidest expression on his face, as though she would know the answer. The process seemed so natural to him at the time. Kurapika was hurt and he ran a small town clinic, so obviously it made sense. But there were countless underground clinics that would gladly take a half dead mafia guard as a patient.

So why him?

* * *

“ _ Leorio,”  _ a soft voice calls out.

Leorio slowly opens his eyes, the smell of iodoform and freshly brewed coffee attack his senses. He realizes he’s fallen asleep on the visitors chair yet again, and feels leftover drool on the corners of his mouth.

“He’s been in a stable condition for two days now, you don’t have to worry about him so much,” Melody reassures him. She hands him the cheap hospital cafeteria coffee, which he thankfully accepts.

“I’m doing this more to reassure myself,” Leorio laughs. He massages the stiffness in his neck from sleeping in an upright position for so long. “Where’s Basho?,” he asks, noticing the lack of pompadour in the room.

“Just because Kurapika managed to get himself almost killed doesn’t mean we can catch a break from work.”

Leorio takes a long sip of his coffee. It’s bitter and over roasted but he’s grateful for the warmth.

“Hey Melody?”

“Yes?” she looks up to Leorio. Even while sitting down, he’s still a little taller than her.

“I’ve been meaning to ask. How did you find me?”

Melody fidgets in her seat, as if the action would someone make the question easier to answer.

“We googled you.”

Leorio stares her down, and she shrinks in her chair a little. She takes a deep breath before speaking.

“I’ve been meaning to tell you, so I guess it’s about time.”  

She walks over to Kurapika, her tiny feet making a rhythmic pitter patter on the hospital floors.

“Kurapika and I have worked together for almost two years now. We shared quarters, and out of everyone, he most likely opened up to me the most. Even then I still didn’t know much about him.”

“Did you know we used to be roommates too? But that was quite some time ago,” Leorio smiles at the memory.

“Ah so that’s your connection to him,” Melody smiles softly. “The team didn’t know much about him, where he came from, why he joined. It was Blaise who pointed out how he carried around another phone,” Melody continues.

“How does that have to do with anything?,” Leorio asks.

“As you can gather, we’re given a lot of temporary forms of communications. The Nostrade family is really uptight about keeping other forms of connections outside of what they give you. Kurapika just didn’t seem like a person who kept anything personal. We knew about his past and why he took the job, but other than that, he didn’t seem to have any close relationships to anyone but his own self. I found it sad at first, but I guess in a job like ours, it’s probably the smartest way to go about things.

Melody rummages through her coat pocket until she produces a very outdated phone model. Leorio remembers it clearly and he struggles to hide the surprise that soon follows.

“I mean we were all perplexed at first as why he had it, but we eventually got over the curiosity. That was until we saw you at that one restaurant in Yorknew city. Things kind of connected, and we all assumed you and the phone were somehow related.”

“And that’s where the web searching came in?” Leorio asks.

“Things at the mansion could get pretty boring, and our job is basically glorified babysitting, so we have a lot of time on our hands. Though, Blaise was the one who snuck in our room and went through his phone. Besides a few contacts, there was not much else really, but we found almost hundreds to saved texts messages from a Leorio. You know there aren’t a lot of people named Leorio?”

Leorio can feel a blush rising up to his neck and up to his cheekbones as he envisions a group of people cyber stalking him.

“We were able to match a picture to a face fairly easily. The internet is a very powerful place,” Melody muses.

“And then what happened,” Leorio presses on.

“It died down after that. We figured it was someone very important to him, but we weren’t going to admit we looked through his personal belongings. Then the fight with the Ryodan happened, and Kurapika got hurt. And before I knew it, Basho and I took him here.”

“You could’ve taken him anywhere else.”

“When everyone took this job, we all knew what we were getting into. They’re not exactly a family you want to be linked with. Mr. Nostrade has his own private medical team, but we were nowhere near the mansion and something just told me to head to you,” Melody says.

“So many things could’ve gone wrong with that choice Melody,” Leorio replies.

“But somehow it didn’t,” she says. She watches Kurapika with a look of bewilderment. “None of this was planned, I never thought of you prior before this event, but when I saw him hurt, you were the first thing that popped into my head. As if he told me to bring him here. How we were even near the same area is nothing short of sheer luck.”

Silently, they both watched the rise and fall of Kurapika’s breath. Kurapika no longer used a respirator, and even after only a couple of days, color is starting to return to his cheeks, Although he somehow managed to come out of his fight with his face relatively unscathed, Leorio still sees the packed bandaging on Kurapika’s shoulder and the even bigger wound on his left side.

“Who could’ve known,” Leorio says. He feels his lips quirk up into a small smile as his fingers trace the scratch marks on the old phone.

“You idiot,” Leorio murmurs to Kurapika.

So much time has passed between them, and Leorio has spent most of it trying to dismantle everything he felt initially. However, the weight of Kurapika’s phone feels much heavier in his hands and it’s suddenly hard to feel anything but relief.

Kurapika is here, he’s barely alive, but he’ll be ok.

And suddenly, Leorio feels like crying.

And so he does.

* * *

The sound of beeping gets incessantly loud. Everything feels uncomfortable, and Kurapika’s joints feel stiff, as if his limbs stayed stagnant for a while.

He feels incredibly thirsty.

“W-Water,” Kurapika croaks out.

A snort is heard from the left side of the room, and the sound of confused grumbles soon follow.

“Oh shi—. Kurapika you’re awake.”

He hears feet scramble around the floor. The voice sounds familiar, too familiar. Like an old memory he can’t quite place his thoughts on.

A warm hand gingerly lifts his head up and helps him to some water.

“Leorio,” he manages to say clearly this time. His grey eyes just focus enough to see the familiar tea-shades.

“Hey, hey. Easy there. You’re doped up on all of the good stuff right now. Get some rest, I’ll be here when you wake up.”

Leorio gently helps him back into the pillow, and everything looks and feels hazy.

Leorio’s hands feel comforting.

Recognizable.

Kurapika’s head is spinning in so many directions— and then it stops.

He goes to sleep for what feels like a while.

* * *

Whatever cocktail of drugs Kurapika on, it’s losing its effect.

“Hurts doesn’t it,” Leorio chuckles.

Yes.  _ Everything  _ hurts.

The left side of his body is taking the brunt of the pain, his shoulders and under his rib especially.

“Where am I?” Kurapika manages to say. His speech sounds foreign, the dry and scraggly chords sounding more like incomprehensible groaning rather than an actual voice.

“An underground medical facility. You’ve been in and out of consciousness for about a week or so,” Leorio informs him.

“A week?” he manages to rasp out. He tries his hardest to pull himself out, only to have Leorio firmly push him back down.

“And you’ll be in here a lot longer if you keep movin around. You’re stitches have to heal you idiot,” Leorio warns him. His words are condescending but his voice is laced with worry.

Almost four years and Leorio is no different.

“What happened?”

“I don’t know Kurapika. You tell me,” Leorio sighs. He takes a long sip of the bougie coffee he paid for from across the block. It’s almost four dollars a cup, and it’s a total rip off, but it beats the shitty instant packets he’s been living off of the past week.

Kurapika thinks for a moment, the last thing he remembers was a very tall woman with a sharp blonde bob. She has a hooked nose, deep seated eyes, a gun in both hands.

And then everything went black.

“Pakunoda, did she—,”

“She’s been apprehended. They only managed to catch her this guy named Shalnark. The leader is still missing, along with the other members,” Leorio informs him.

Kurapika settles back into his bed. Better, but still disappointed.

“How did you find me?” he asks. He’s much more awake this time. The pain is rough, but it’s manageable at the moment.

“You’re lucky to have good friends,” Leorio states simply. He pulls out the old phone from his front pocket and laughs when he sees Kurapika’s cheeks tinge red. “Apparently, I’m the hottest gossip at your workplace,” he winks.

Kurapika makes a sounds that vaguely resembles a scoff, and suddenly things feel normal again. Like four years didn’t pass between then, like their last meeting never happened.

“I guess I have a lot to explain,” Kurapika says.

“Yes, but not today. For now, rest,” Leorio says. “Doctor’s orders.”

Kurapika only smiles. His first real grin in a very long time.

“You used to worry about not being able to make it into med school. I always had faith you could do it.”

Kurapika hears a light laugh.

His eyelids grow heavy, and he feels the unmistakable touch of Leorio’s hand tenderly stroking his hair.

It feels nice.

His eyes close.

* * *

Kurapika’s wounds are healing nicely. It’s been almost two weeks, and he’s more in consciousness rather than out of it. His body is still tense like a rusted machine, but the pain has dulled out. Every time he’s woken up, Leorio has been right beside him. The modest room fills up with various medical documents Leorio works on in his spare time, and the four white walls begin looking more like an office and less like a hospital room

He spends his first full day more awake than asleep, and the unused energy in his body begins to get restless.

“You’re up” Leorio’s face lights up.    


“More awake than I’ve been in the past couple of weeks.”

“How are you feeling?” Leorio asks. He tries to make his voice more doctor-like, but fails miserably. He’s found it’s incredibly hard to be professional with a personal case.

“Not the best, but better.”

Leorio half sits on Kurapika’s too-small bed. He has one leg placed alongside Kurapika’s resting body, while the other dangles off the bed. Kurapika head rests comfortably on Leorio’s chest, while the doctor gently grazes the large bandage on Kurapika's shoulder. They read together, catch up on topics that aren’t too heavy; sometimes they even laugh.

It’s been like this for the past few days. They haven't talked about the past nor the present. Instead, they both choose to focus on the now, deciding to pretend their relationship was still intact.

Surprisingly, Leorio breaks the illusion first.

“Why did you keep your old phone after all this time?” he asks tentatively.

Kurapika freezes for a moment. He knew this was a topic that would resurface eventually, but he still wishes he had a bit more time acting like the past four years didn’t happen.

“I never meant to keep that phone. I knew I had to completely cut you off if I was going to ever move forward with what I had to do. There were so many times where I thought about dumping it somewhere far. But even after a year you still kept sending me messages and I kept pushing that task back.”

Leorio places a soft kiss on Kurapika’s temple. He tightens his hold on the shorter man. “You weren’t the only one who had trouble moving past everything.”

“Eventually, it was my way of staying grounded, and it’s saved me more than once. And there were so many times where I wanted to come find you, I wanted to just come back. But by that point…” Kurapika trails off.

Suddenly, there’s a world weariness to Kurapika’s voice that Leorio can sense.

“Hey, you don’t have to tell me anything you don’t want to. Got it?”

Kurapika nods wordlessly, but his brows furrow.

“I’m not a good person Leorio. Back when we were both in college, we talked about changing the world, turning it into a place where people didn’t have to suffer like we did. I became the opposite of what I intended to be. You’d hate me if you knew of the things I’ve done, things my own family would probably resent me for.”

“No don’t say that—,”

“Leorio, I’ve used people. I’ve  _ killed.  _ I’ve dragged so many along into  _ my  _ mess where some didn’t even come out alive,” Kurapika’s eyes are distant and unreadable, but his voice escalates. “Initially, I stopped myself from coming to you because I thought it was the best for both of us. And when I finally wanted to come back, I realized I couldn’t.”

“Kurapika you don’t get to decide what’s best me. Don’t I get a say in anything You need to stop blaming yourself for everything that happened outside of your control. I would’ve helped—,”

“I know. And that’s why I left,” Kurapika’s voice trembles. “Look at you, saving lives while I’m taking them. Leorio, there’s no way you would have accomplished what you did by following me.”

Leorio tries to say something, anything to try to contradict what Kurapika tells him, but he knows Kurapika is right. Their paths have diverged a long time ago, and finding each other at a crossroad was near impossible at this point. Leorio feels his heart sink at this realization.

Kurapika’s tears flow freely now, and although he’s crying, his face remains stoic; as if his heart and brain are struggling to figure out what to do and how to feel.

“So that night at Novella, the things you said. You didn’t mean them?”

“To be honest, I didn’t think I sounded that convincing,” Kurapika admits. “I saw you at the restaurant first you know. You were with someone else, and you looked so content with everything. It’s what I wanted for you, I wanted you to move on, live a life of your own without having to worry. I told myself I’d rather have you hate me than suffer because of me.”

“I don’t think I can ever hate you,” he confesses.

The overwhelming love he feels for Kurapika comes back at full force and it takes no time for Leorio’s heart to accept it. No matter how many years they go without seeing each other, and no matter how hard Kurapika tries to push him away, Leorio knows there’s a part of him that Kurapika will always hold.

Kurapika intertwines his fingers with Leorio’s and gives him a knowing squeeze. “I wish we met under different circumstances.”

There’s so much longing in Kurapika’s voice, and Leorio wants to tell him that they can make this work, that they can get around this. But he can’t seem to swallow the lump in his throat, and his words come out as sobs instead.

Kurapika shifts himself, until he’s in an awkward half kneel - half sitting position. He places his hands on both sides of Leorio’s face.

“Maybe it would’ve been easier if we never met— still I don’t regret it.”

Leorio’s heart breaks all over again, this time for a very different reason. He’s a babbling mess, all limbs and tears. It’s Kurapika’s turn to cradle Leorio’s head in his chest, still the strong one throughout all of this although life wasn’t fair to him to begin with.

The action hurts more than it helps, but Leorio finally understands that this was never a relationship that was meant be a happy one. Kurapika knew that fact from the beginning while Leorio chose to not see it, to try to find some way around the inevitable.

Kurapika wasn’t going to stop.

He was never going to stop till all of the Ryodan are dead.

_ And then what?   _ Leorio thinks.

There’s an unbelievably strong vengeance chained to Kurapika that even Leorio can’t break through; but he feels Kurapika’s gentle fingers card softly through his hair, and he can barely believe these two people are the same.

They stay in each other’s company for what feels like hours.

It’s always never enough.

* * *

Kurapika heals well. He still walks with a slight limp, but Leorio thinks he’ll be back to normal in a matter of time. Kurapika stays a little longer than necessary, extending his visit for a day or two; Leorio doesn’t complain.

The discharge date weighs heavy in their minds, and Leorio is barely surprised when he walks into Kurapika’s room only to be greeted by an empty hospital bed.

Farewells were never Kurapika’s strong suit, and it’s taken Leorio approximately four years to be okay with that. It’s only then, he wonders if goodbyes were harder for Kurapika than they were for him.

There’s a closure that Leorio receives with Kurapika’s time with him, and although his heart still aches, it’s much easier this time around. For now, their relationship is pretty much directionless. Leorio doesn’t know the next time he’ll see Kurapika what the future holds for either of them.

Still, he remains hopeful.

His phone buzzes with a text from an unrecognized contact.

_ This is my main line, reaching me should be easier through this number. I’ll be back soon. - Kurapika _

He deletes Kurapika’s old number, not bothering to stop the stupid grin that takes up most of his face.

And just like that, things are already looking up.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here is the last chapter of this story, thank you to whoever took the time to read, comment, or review! Sorry about the spelling/ grammatical errors, my heart just wasn't in it and I wanted to at least throw out something semi-completed.


End file.
